Sunday, April 18, 2004

What Ever Happened to Toilets?

The other day while I was making dinner, I peeked out my back door because there were a million little boys playing out behind my fence. I wanted to make sure they weren't doing anything that would get them yelled at. Tee hee... good thing I was looking out for them!

As I was looking outside, I noticed one of the little boys (about 5 or 6), Martin (pronounced the Spanish way, mar-TEEN), popping a squat in the bushes... twenty feet behind my back fence!

First I was like... "Oh... he has to go pee and can't make it home. And awww... how sweet and respectful... his mom taught him to squat and pee instead of pee standing up."

Then I realized... this kid was *not* peeing. Yup, he was taking a dump behind my fence... and behind my neighbors' fences (as a matter of fact, closer to their fences than mine)! I don't know what they teach children in Mexico, but here in the States... umm... we use *toilets*. Pretty bad, huh?! Ummm... yeah... it gets worse...

So then, he's just squatting there probably thinking, "Darn it! I should have brought a magazine and a roll of toilet paper!" He then proceeds to wipe his bottom... with his fingers!

Yup you read correctly... then he looks at it and wipes it in the grass in front of him. After doing this about three times, a group of boys starts walking in his direction. I was hoping they wouldn't notice him and keep on walking. No such luck. They start laughing and pointing.

UGH... how traumatic for poor little Marty McPooper. The boys then called over Martin's older brother. He smiles and walks to his little brother and hits him upside the head (not hard) as if to say, "You idiot! Tell me you need to take a dump, and I'll take you to the dumpster or something."

I then decided it was time for me to get involved. First, I yelled at the boys who were still laughing at him. I told them to "keep on walkin'." The oldest boy (probably 12) says, "... but he's my cousin!" Oh... then by all means, go ahead and make fun of him. I didn't realize you were *family*... pfff... keep on walkin', Junior. So... he apologized (to my surprise) and kept walking.

Me: one. Rude little dork: zero! ha ha... yeah!

So... I offer Martin and his brother toilet paper, a grocery bag and my sink to was his hands (there was no way I was going to have him running around the neighborhood with those poopy little fingers)! They kindly accepted my offers. I would have offered him my bathroom *before* he took a dump, but it looked like I was a little too late to stop him. But... I did tell him that *next time*, he could use my bathroom. Pretty exciting day. LOL.

*emmett* ~ who didn't realize that moving to a new place would provide so much lasting entertainment! ;-)

p.s. Last night, I met Dr. Jane Goodall!! She's the 'chimpanzee lady'. No, not Sigourney Weaver in 'Gorillas in the Mist'... that was Dian Fossey, the 'gorilla lady'. Anyway, it was a dream come true for me, and she was amazing! If you have the chance, I would highly recommend seeing her speak. She's not to be missed! :)

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