Wednesday, December 31, 2003

The New Place.

I can't believe it's the last day of the year! Yikes! Well, I've had one heck of a year. My first year of marriage (the bestest), my first convertible (which I sold), my first new car (which I love), my first (and hopefully last) worker's compensation suit, and my first move to a place I've never been before (northern California). Now THAT... is scary, my friends! I didn't even get to visit before I moved my whole life here. Crazy stuff.

My new house: big. (I like the bigness.)

My new neighborhood: LOUD! (rap music blasting at 2:00 in the morning that you can sing along to [if I could understand the words, that is] when it's next door is SO not cool)

My new neighbors: don't speak English! ... Okay, this one bothers me. I live in a really nice neighborhood in Northern California, USA. I expected people to speak English. But... no. OH! STORY!:

I had this woman knock on my door last night, and she was holding this huge plastic box full of bread. When I opened the door, she looked stunned that I was white. (To her astonishment... a white person! In America! NOOOO!!!) Her eyes were popping out of her sockets, and her head jolted forward out of her neck. It was very strange.

So anyway, she regains composure and says, "You buy buns?" I would have had no idea what the heck she was saying if I couldn't see into the clear plastic box.

Me: "No, I can't. I'm allergic."

Woman who didn't speak English: Blank stare.

Me: "I can't eat bread."

Woman who didn't speak English: Blank stare. Smile and nods. Blank stare.

Me: (slowly, this time) "No, thank you! I'm allergic to bread!"

Woman who didn't speak English: Smile and nods. Walks away.

Okay, now, I'm not making fun of her... I'm just saying... if you're going to sell stuff... to people in America... who speak English... wouldn't it be nice if you, at least, knew how to ask... in English? Grrr... this bothers me.

Other than that, the city is nice. I've managed to meet one person in our complex who speaks English. Sure, she's 60-years-old who just lost her beloved Chow-Chow, but she speaks English, and she's kind. That's enough for me. :)

In other news, I got a very nice job. I'm a nanny for a 12-year-old boy, and I'll be helping his father out at his business as well. I get paid well and only have to work 20 hours a week. It's very nice, and I'm happy. I'll have time to go to school, cook, clean, and take care of my husband and the puppies. Life is good.

*emmett* ~ who now... just needs a friend... who speaks English. Is that really too much to ask?!

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

License Plate Frames.

I saw a very funny license plate frame the other day. It said, "0 to 60 in... WAIT! My car goes 60??" LOL! I thought that was so funny. Yeah... I'm easily amused.

Also... another license plate thingy. This other car's license plate frame said "Lexus" Okay... that's cool. And their actual license plate was personalized to say, "Lexus 6A" or something like that.

Okay... here's the weird part: The car was a Toyota Camry! That's one devoted Lexus fan! I mean, I know that Toyota makes Lexus and everything, but seriously... why not just buy a Lexus? I guess this person could have been a Lexus dealer, but still... why didn't they just drive a Lexus?

*emmett* ~ who just got a new car (a Toyota, actually)... so it goes pretty fast!

Monday, October 27, 2003

Get Me Some Snow, Damn It!

I've hit an all-time low in the area of being pathetic. I miss the snow so much that I thumbed through an REI catalogue today just to see people dressed up in snowsuits... playing in the snow.

Yes, I know... SAD! I can't help it. I thought I loathed the snow, but now that I don't have it, I miss it! I thought I wanted this sunny, warm So-Cal weather every day. I was so wrong! Give me some damn snow and 20 degree weather!

*emmett* ~ who loves to be warm, but is craving the cold... go figure.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Scissors Dilemma.

Today I went to Target to pick up some new scissors so I could do the puppies' grooming. Well, I'm not sure if anyone has bought scissors recently, but they're wrapped in this tough, hard plastic stuff that is impossible to open without... gee, what do you know... SCISSORS! So I had this small conversation with Me, Myself and I:

Me: Yay! New scissors!

Myself: You got new scissors? What for?

Me: Well, I need to give the puppies a little haircut. Now, let's open these scissors. Hey... this tough, hard plastic stuff is hard to open!

I: Well, do you have any scissors?

Me: Ummm... YEAH!

I: Well, where are they?

Me: Well, as soon as I get this package open, I'll give them to you!

Myself: Okay... we just need some scissors!

Me: Uhhh... am I the only bright one here? ::tears open package with bear hands:: THERE! Scissors! Hooray. Phew... that was a close one.

*emmett* ~ who got new scissors today and just saved loads of money on grooming bills!

Thursday, October 9, 2003

Southern California Problems.

I went to the gas station yesterday to pick up a newspaper, but by then (2:30 pm), they were all gone! I just needed a newspaper for my puppies to pee on. I totally forgot that Arnold was plastered on the front of every one because he's the new governor of our state. Damn! Just because of the stupid election, my puppies have nothing to pee on! (except of course, my carpet)

Also, at the gas station, there was this teenage girl in there getting two ICEEs. She was filling up her cups, also holding the dollar bills in her hand. Then... (God forbid) a drop of ICEE fell on one of the dollar bills. "Shoot!" she yells and gets a sad look on her face. She turns to the clerk and asks, "Oh no! I just dropped a little on this dollar, will you still accept it?"

The clerk (who didn't speak English... because, well, let's face it, this is Southern California; most clerks don't) looked at me and said, "Huh?!" The frantic teenage girl repeated herself. The clerk again looked at me and said, "I not understand."

The frantic girl tried one more time, "Does this dollar not work anymore?"

I looked up at her... "Of course it does!" The clerk looked back at me, "Huh?!" she said. "Never mind." I replied.

Now... this scared me. This girl actually thought that if you spill a little DROP of ICEE on a dollar bill, you can't use it?! Poor thing. I hope she didn't spill any on her Abercrombie and Fitch shirt and her Gucci purse! Damn teen-aged Californians.

*emmett* ~ who is just a little miffed this week because of personal issues... please do not take offense. :)

Thursday, October 2, 2003

Is OB-GYN for MEN Too?!

Today I had an appointment with my doctor. Walking down the hall to his office, I passed several other offices. One had a sign on the door that said, "Lady OB-GYN"! LADY?! You mean... as opposed to "Gentleman OB-GYN"? Man... Californians are smart! Pffft...

In other news, I'm going back to work within the next two weeks. Hoorah! It's been too damn long. I miss my desk! I miss my headset! I miss my Mickey Mouse ears that have my name on them!! :)

*emmett* ~ who loves being employed with Disney and can't wait to go back!

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Hot Topic.

Today I went into Hot Topic for the first time. I loved that store! I got this sweet-ass journal with Happy Bunny on the cover. Under HB, it says "once I saw a boy who was not stupid." That makes me laugh so hard! Once! HA! Yup... I married the one boy who's not stupid. Yes!

I also got this cool sticker that says "Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys!" LOL! Yeah... gotta love those cool sayings.

Oh! And I got a sticker for my candy-loving friend. It says, "If a stranger offers you candy, take two!" I thought that was pretty cool too.

*emmett* ~ who now has the urge to dress in little t-shirts with cartoon characters, baggy jeans and Vans tennis shoes

Monday, September 22, 2003

My First Day as a Military Wife.

Well, I'm all alone in my house (with my puppies though) for the next eight weeks. I have become a military wife. Isn't there a support group of some kind? He's only gone for Basic Training though... then he'll be back and be stationed on land (as opposed to sea), and I will be happy once again. He has joined the U.S. Coast Guard to 'save the planet'... I love that man!

*emmett* ~ who loves her husband very much... and misses him like crazy!!

Friday, May 30, 2003


Isn't it funny how when you have a dream, it seems so cool and neat and wow, but then when you tell someone else, they think it's stupid and boring? That is so strange.

*emmett* ~ who is one of those people who thinks that other people's dreams are boring. I feel so ashamed to say that... but it's true. Okay... maybe not all the time. When my husband has dreams about the two of us, I like to hear about those. :)

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

The Old Man.

Last night, I was parked outside the library (waiting for my husband), and I saw this older gentleman, kind of hunched over and walking at this slow-shuffling pace. He looked kind of odd so I sat up to get a closer look. Yup! He was picking his butt as he walked into the library. Ewww! I don't even want to know...

*emmett* ~ who believes that if you wish to pick your butt, you should do so in the privacy of your own car, house, etc...

Friday, April 18, 2003

Mealworms... the Other White Meat.

I haven't written in a while because... well, I just want my shoulder to get better! But... this is a funny story so I had to share...

Mealworms... the other white meat.

My sister was feeding her frog, Aussie, the other day (he's an Australian White-Bellied Tree Frog), and he eats mealworms. Anyhoo... one of her daughters (Alaura) comes up while she's feeding Aussie. And my sister says, "Look, Alaura! Mealworms!"

And before my sister could do anything, Alaura grabbed that mealworm out of my sister's hand and threw it in her mouth! She ate it all up, and said... "Yum! Mommy! More!" Yeah, to be 15-months-old again... wouldn't that be swell. They'll eat anything, I suppose.

So anyway... my sister would not give Alaura another mealworm so she kicked and screamed and through a little temper-tantrum... for a mealworm! And you know... it got me to thinking. The only reason we think this is gross is because we've grown up accustomed to not eating bugs. If we started out eating bugs, it would be no big deal to us. Hmmm... I wonder what they *do* taste like... Delicious and nutritious! Taste just like chicken! ;-)

*emmett* ~ who is making a mental note to start my children young on creepy-crawly bugs. Ewww...

Thursday, April 10, 2003

The Legless Guy.

Today there was this guy skateboarding on one of the sidewalks in our apartment complex. Now generally, I wouldn't think this is eventful enough to write in my diary... however... this was no ordinary guy.

He didn't have legs! That's right! He was skateboarding down the sidewalk with his arms! He was sitting down on the skateboard, while using his arms to push him along. It was sweet-ass! I admire him. I've lived here for almost 4 months now, and I'd never seen him before. I suppose I should sit out on my deck more often. (Hey, maybe I'll have more to write about.)

You know... this really makes me think all the things we take for granted. I broke both of my legs (at the same time) when I was younger so I know what it's like not being able to use your legs. So thank you, Legless-Guy, for reminding me how blessed I am to have my legs... and that I'm able to use them.

*emmett* ~ who always thought she had larger-than-average ankles, but is now glad that she even *has* ankles. I love my larger-than-average ankles! :)

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

An Octothorpe.

Since I haven't been going to work (because I'm still on medical leave), I haven't had much to say. But I *would* like to let everybody know that the pound/number sign (#) that we use quite often is not called a pound/number sign at all. It's actually called an "octothorpe"!

See... you *do* learn something every day. :) And *that* something learned was cool!

Go ahead... you can spread it around to your friends if you'd like. They'll think you're cool.

*emmett* ~ who needs a hobby

Friday, April 4, 2003

The Plumber.

Last night, the "Super" from our apartment knocks on our door and asks us not to use our sink because something's wrong with the plumbing. And he said it was "too late to call the plumber."

Then, this afternoon, he comes and knocks on our door letting us know that we still can't use the sink, but the plumber is here so it will be fixed soon. So my husband and I decide to go somewhere, and as we're walking out of the apartment building, we see the plumbing truck, and right on the side it says, "24-hour Plumbing"!

So umm... why exactly couldn't he come last night? Hmmm...

*emmett* ~ who now has dishes stacked and stinking because she can't wash them. Ewww...

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Medical Leave.

March 25, 2003 - 8:32 p.m.
Medical leave

I hurt my shoulder at work so I can't really move it. I have to type with one finger... on my left hand. I've been on medical leave from work now for almost two weeks. You know... it's like one big paid vacation... well, except I can't go anywhere, and I have nothing to do, and I get bored really easily... but other than that, yeah, like one big vacation. Pfff.

I tried doing things... I've watched all the movies in our house at least ten times, and I've read all the books in our house except for Harry Potter, which I really don't want to read so... yeah... I'm bored. So what was I saying? Oh yeah! Paid vacation! Well... I'd rather get paid to talk on the phone (what my job consists of when I am working) because this bites.

*emmett* ~ who wants to feel better very soon so she can go back to work! For the love of God... shoulder, get better!!!

Sunday, March 23, 2003

The Ice Cream Police Are Needed.

I'm sitting at my computer eating a half gallon of Dreyer's Butter Pecan ice cream... and I can't stop!! It is seriously so tasty! And I know if I don't stop soon, I'll get a nasty tummy-ache! AHHH! What do I do? I need the ice cream police to come and stop me!

... ohmigoodness... what the heck is this?! *destiny* There's a hole in the bottom of this ice cream carton, and ice cream is leaking all over my desk! HA! The ice cream police... at last!


A reason to put the ice cream back.


Thank you, ice cream police!

*emmett* ~ who is now getting a tummy ache... *whine*

(That was a true story, you know!)

sidenote: my husband was not at all thrilled when he got home, and *his* ice cream was just about gone. Oops... :)

Saturday, March 22, 2003

Flannel Anyone?

Yesterday I went to physical therapy, and out of nowhere this guy asks me, "Do you look good in flannel?"

Huh?! I was too confused to answer.

*emmett* ~ who *DOES* look good in flannel, thankyouverymuch. Flannel pants... oooooh... (see profile for explanation)

Friday, March 21, 2003

The Nipple-Stealing Witch.

My husband just told me about this book he's reading. This mean old witch cuts off people's nipples and uses them to control the people the nipple once belonged to. I thought that was interesting... I can see it now…

“Oh, you evil witch! AHH!”

*cackle* “Ha ha! You better stand back!” *cackle*

“No! No! Not my nipple!! Anything but that! Just don’t control me with my own nipple! AHH!”

*emmett* ~ who prefers happy-fun books but respects her husband’s reading choices, nonetheless.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

A Witty Woman in the Ladies Room.

This one day at work, I walked into the ladies room to find not too many stalls open. I searched for an open door as I turned the corner… and I found one! I walked into the stall (staring at the floor), and I bumped into somebody. (Apparently, she had opened her stall door as I turned the corner so I didn’t realize someone was just leaving.)

The woman in the stall, this little old lady, looked down at me (she was a taller-than-average little-old-lady), and she smiles and says, “Were you going to wait until I left, or did you want to sit on my lap?”

Priceless. Just priceless. I laughed all the way back to my desk. As I sat down, laughing, I fell off my chair. My co-workers thought I was strange. They were right…

*emmett* ~ who now stares cautiously at open stall doors, just in case taller-than-average little-old-ladies aren’t shuffling their way out the stall door.