Friday, September 24, 2010

Dealing.

I'm about to be real and kinda depressing. Please no judging. :-)

For those of you who don't know, we lost the baby this week (I was nearly 12 weeks when I started bleeding two weeks ago today). My body is still going through the process, and it bothers me that it makes every day a reminder that I won't be having a baby in six months. I can't wait for that part to be over. I'm ready to move on and look back on this like it was a bad dream.

We are trying to stay optimistic for the future though. The pregnancy ended due to a blighted ovum, so, for some reason, that actually makes me feel better about the whole thing... hopeful that a baby will be in our future. :-)

I have waves of being positive and optimistic and then waves of wanting to sit on the sofa and watch Friends and eat gluten-free chocolate chip cookies (which I'm now currently out of) all day long. I've heard that through the grieving process, both are good for healing. :-)

I'm angry and sad, and I just don't feel like *me* these days. I have three Studio Calico kits sitting right next to me, and I can't even touch them. My motivation... it's just gone. I'm praying that will get better soon too. :-)

I think I'm getting a bit better. Today, I took a shower in the *morning* and got halfway dressed... pajama bottoms and slippers with a nice top and sweater. I even put on earrings and a bit of makeup. :-) I think every day will get better. I'm hoping, praying that it does. *sigh*

Hmm... can't think of anything else to say. And just talking about it makes me feel more down, so I'm going to go watch Friends now. :-)

And here are two layouts I did a couple weeks ago, but never posted. Both are mostly SEI and American Crafts. :-)

Thanks for stopping by today. I'm not sure when I'll be back with the remainder of my scrap room photos, but I'm hoping soon.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming...

16 comments:

Zorina said...

Oh, Reyanna my sweet friend. I've been praying for healing to GOD that He gives you strength and high Hopes that after this storm, blue skies comes in. Like I mentioned, back in 2002 we had a miscarriage (blighted ovum) too, but then we never lost that FAITH and HOPE in our Hearts. So, hang in there. Cheer up. I'm here for you all the time.
PS. ok for gallons of ice cream and re-runs of FRIEND this time. i had my share (s) too of those before. LoL! HUGS ---ZM

Briana Johnson said...

Aww, Rey, you still have the sweetest sense of humor even through this. It will get better, you know it, and you are right, someday this will be so distant and you'll be thinking of the little baby you have then, setting on your lap. It will happen.
And you know how much I love that beach page. LOVE IT.

em said...

Sending you lots of healing vibes and love!! I've been thinking about you all week!!

Chris Dodaj said...

I've been thinking about you, Reyanna! It will get better, it will. Sending you warm hugs!!

Megan said...

I think of you everyday, dear friend. Hope you're finding a bit more strength and sunshine with each passing day. I promise that it will get easier, it just takes time.

Jody said...

I just wanted to say that I haven't stopped thinking about you since I heard.
No other words to say other than..."I am so sorry."
{{{Hugs}}} to you and Jeremy

Chris and Paige Evans said...

Still thinking of you and praying for you. Hope you're feeling better friend.

Jaime Wilkins said...

So sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you!

Julie W said...

Please know that my heart hurts for you and your husband. I don't know what to say other than I'm very, very sorry. Sending you a ton of *HUGS*!!!

emily said...

Reyanna, I have been thinking of you for days. May you feel some sort of peace soon, but let yourself feel what you need to feel. Super duper hugs and happy thoughts. :)

Emily

kinsey said...

rey, i'm so sorry...you are going through such a tough time and i can't even imagine. i know we just 'met' but if you need to talk, i'm here :)

big hugs,
kins

The Dreaming Bear said...

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs. Hang in there.

kinsey said...

you ok? haven't seen you around sc lately...email me if you wanna chat :)

hugs, kins

Marit said...

Oh sweetie, I didn't know... I haven't been visiting blogs in a while.. so sorry to hear this! I know how it feels (altho it was 20 years ago, and I now have a son who is 18 years old - hope this will give you a postive vibe...!) I know of a blogger who experienced the same a while back, maybe you want to go there and read her blog? (don't feel obligated, just do what YOU feel works best for you right now!) Anyway, here's a link to Dani

Lindsey said...

Thanks for stopping my blog new blogging friend! So glad you liked me quirky little sconce:) I shall add you as well.

I am so so so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby:( I am a believer as well so I know that the Lord will grow you and show you new things about HIM as your comfort thur this.

Anyways, sorry to get so deep but your post made my heart feel for you.

Look forward to reading more!

Virginia said...

it has been a while since i've visited your blog but just wanted to send you some positive vibes - you are a fabulous person and I know great things will come to you - sending lots of hugs your way