Friday, May 2, 2008


I have taken up golfing. Okay, not my first choice, but he vetoed everything I wanted to do (nothing new there). :( You know... something that's *not* considered the 2nd most expensive hobby next to horse-back riding. Liking swimming. Or jogging. Or rock climbing even!

Never thought I'd say this... but I really like golf... not to mention the wicked cute golf caps and plaid pants/skirts/skorts/shorts. Yes, I've only been four times, but I've liked it just about all four times. Well, we went to the driving range three times (just to see if I could actually *hit* the ball... alas, I can... finally something where my upper body strength and flexibility come in handy), then we decided to hit the course yesterday.

Not bad. Though I'm getting me some lessons and some more practice before I go back there! Here are the lowlights and highlights of our golf outing yesterday. Always want the bad news, first, right?

1. I got yelled at, at the first hole. As the disgruntled employee drove his cart in our direction, I seriously thought he was driving all the way down the fairway to tell me, "Ma'am, you can't play here! You're not good enough!" LOL. Thank God I was wrong. He was actually coming to tell me that I looked really hot in my golf pants...

Tee hee. Just kidding! Gotcha, didn't I? No, what he really told me was that it's against the rules not to have my own set of clubs (in my own bag, I'm assuming). I put my clubs (all two of them) into my friend's bag, so they thought we were trying to get away with the two of us playing, while only paying for one of us to play.

(Note to readers: We *did* pay for two golfers. We're not criminals! Sheesh!) I almost broke down in tears because I hate (read: hate with a passion-could bawl my eyes out and start a scene-hate) getting in trouble. As I was on the brink of tears, my friend politely told the man (the *curt* man) that I hadn't purchased a bag yet, and we'd be playing "best ball," as to not hold up the players behind us. He mumbled and grumbled something about going to "check if it's okay," and he never returned.

First thing we did after playing golf? Uh-huh. We bought me a bag! (A super cute one too! And truth be told... the real reason I hadn't bought a bag yet was that I couldn't find one cute enough. Hey, if you played golf, you would want to look cute too. You know you would.)

2. It was so windy, my hat kept blowing off. (Don't worry! My super-cute bucket hat was saved!)

3. I saw a man (wearing plaid shorts) pee... in plain sight, just steps off the fairway (the area between the tee box and the hole). Sure he was semi-hidden from *his* party, but he was in plain sight of *our* party. Discreet, Buddy, very discreet.

4. I forgot how to swing a golf club. I'm pretty sure this is the equivalent of a scrapbooker getting to her first crop and forgetting how to use scissors... or adhesive, perhaps. I mean, you can use your adhesive in your scrap space when you're by yourself, but get you to a crop, and you have a momentary memory lapse... like placing photo splits on the picture part of the photo instead of the back, placing the photo picture-side-up on the layout, and then thinking to yourself, "Why the heck is this not sticking?!" Uh... duh.

So yeah, that was lame. I was so frustrated with myself. I finally figured it out on the 7th hole or so. Sheesh! I'm so lame! But now I know that I have the tendency to lose my mind when I get to a golf course. But hey, what do you expect? I was yelled at, my hat blew off, and I watched a man pee in a tree and then shake his manhood. You'd be frazzled too.

1. My ball did not go in the water! (You have to hit the ball over a body of water [read: deep swamp] TWO times!)

2. My ball did not go in the sand!

3. I had an *amazing* 15-foot put at the 7th hole. It may have been 20 feet even! I'm guesstimating here, as I wasn't carrying a tape measure in my pocket. Next time. ;)

4. I finished the game with the ball I started with (which is more than I can say for my friend... hee hee hee).

5. I golfed approximately a 65 (36 is par for 9 holes). We didn't write down our scores, but I tried to keep track in my head... give or take a few strokes (I didn't give much effort to remembering my exact number). I'm going to say this is good for my first time. And those of you who don't play golf, I'm going to tell you... this is *really* good for my first time. You don't know the fairway from the green, so I could tell you I had a 250-yard drive on the first hole, and you would have no idea what I'm even talking about. :) (Note to people who actually golf: I can not drive a ball 250 yards... yet. I think I'm just over 150 with my 3-Wood.)

6. I broke a tee with my club! Okay, so I don't know (yet) if this is a *good* thing. But it seemed cool at the time. The way I look at it... you have to hit a ball pretty darn hard to break a piece of wood in half. And being the scrapbooker that I am, I kept that piece of wood. (I also saved my ball... only to find out my friend unknowingly hit it into the ocean when we got home. Oh well.)

7. I used the cleanest Port-A-Potty I've EVER seen! I'm sure this is because instead of *using* the Port-A-Potty, men piss just off the fairway.

And there you have it. The highlights and lowlights of my first golfing experience. All in all, we had fun, and I got to break in my new golf shoes! Scrapbook layout to follow.

*Photo of me (well, my hand holding a club) is by the uber-talented Jeremy (

1 comment:

ValAnn said...

I wish I could talk my DH into taking up Golf. I've only golfed once... my first 18 holes last summer and I LOVED it! I would have to buy a cute little bag and outfit too...