Thursday, December 6, 2007


You know that phrase, "A good panty is hard to find"? You don't? Oh, right... that's because it's "A good *man* is hard to find." True as that may be, my problem is with the panty. I already have a good man. So my search is on to find the perfect panty.

I mean, even this Roman woman in a mosaic at the Piazza Armerina is saying, "Dude! Romans! What's up with you? Make me some good panties!"

As a child, I didn't care so much. I mean, sure it was "silk-like panties from Target or nothing", but my mom *got* that. She (obviously) knows, also, that a good panty is hard to find. But as a child, I didn't care about what I care about today.

Comfy fabric. Tagless. Wedgie-proof. No panty lines. I mean, isn't that what all women want in a panty? Well, okay, not *all* women, or there would be no imperfect panties out there. And let me tell you... there are *a lot* of imperfect panties.

"Oh, why don't you just wear a thong, Reyanna! Those are *oh so* comfy. Who doesn't like butt-floss?" Uhhh... yeah. HATE.THONGS.WITH.A.PASSION. The woman at Victoria's Secret told me, "Oh, just wear them for a few days. You'll get use to them!"
Uhh... no. Lady, it didn't happen.

Comfy fabric? Usually.
Tagless? You can find them.
Wedgie-proof? Don't kid yourself... something that is perpetually *in* your butt is not wedgie-proof.
Panty lines? Virtually never.

And now I have like $40 worth of thongs in my drawers AND panty lines. Sheesh.

This may have to do with the fact that I was a gymnast. See, gymnasts get wedgies... often. As in, those leotards have set up camp there, and they are not leaving until practice is over! Period. So maybe that's why I don't like thongs. *I* know that little string is not *supposed* to be there. I can feel it. It doesn't matter how long I wear it. It's not pulling a "Violet from The Incredibles" on me and disappearing into thin air. It's like I'm an eternal gymnast (wedgies forever, oh my), except I can't do the cool tricks anymore. OK, maybe *one* cool trick... ;)

So... the search continued... The Hanes Women's BoyChic? (Actually, are much cuter in real life. They look really strange in this picture!) A *great* panty. Found at Walmart for about $5.88 (give or take a few cents) for two pairs.

Comfy fabric? Check!
Tagless? Check!
Wedgie-proof? Check!
Panty lines? Oooh, so close.

They're made of cotton. The downfall. Cotton panties must give panty lines... it's their job.

And even companies who *claim* seamless/no panty lines (read Victoria's Secret $14/pair panties!) fall short. I know. I own the Body by Victoria Hiphuggers... in most colors. Very comfy. Some are tagless. Usualy wedgie-proof... but still... they usually have panty lines. *sigh*

So yesterday, I decided to try the Body by Victoria Boyshort. Yeah, I may as well put on a thong. They're pretty much setting up camp too. See, I read "boy short" as in "shorts that are boy-style." Oh, no, that's what they *want* you to read. But yeah... it really means, "Boy, are they short!" As in, shorter than a regular pair of panties. These are worse than briefs.

Another favorite of mine? Hanes Women's Boxer Briefs. Probably the most comfortable pair of panties *ever*.

Comfy fabric? Check!
Tagless? Check!
Wedgie-proof? Check!
Panty lines? Oooh, again... so close.

Now, Hanes, if you're reading... ditch the cotton and go with a Nylon/Spandex blend. The world of panties will be yours! We know you've been making panties longer than we've been wearing them so please, help us! Our bottoms are anxiously waiting.

And if *you* think you've found the perfect panty, please share with the class! :D


Jaime Lea said...

I am so impressed by the time and research you put into your underwear! This is something I would do so I'm on the same page... but just so you know, I'm a fan of the thong! Can we still be friends?! :)

Tristessa said...

Great work.