Saturday, July 25, 2009

Aging.


Today, I am the exact age my mom was when she had me. I was born five days before her 28th birthday. And on July 30th, I'll be 28. This photo of her and my grandfather was taken the night before she had me. :)

For some reason, knowing this made me very emotional this week. I really did think I'd have children by now, and the fact that I don't... it's just... I don't know... makes me feel down sometimes.

My mom says she wanted a baby more than anything in the whole world. She always knew she wanted to be a mom. They named me on their wedding day, and her due date was nine months... to the day... from their wedding day. Of course, I was born eleven days late, but still... they planned.

She says she knew before she was pregnant that I would be a girl. They had no boys name picked out. They knew I would be Reyanna Joy.

I love looking at photos of my mom and me when I was a baby. The look on her face... it's pure joy.

And I love that. She really has been the best mom. The best mom EVER. I couldn't ask for better. I really hope I can be as good of a mom as she has been.

It's strange... even though I'll be 28, I don't *feel* that old. I look at my mom's face in this photo, and it's *really* hard to comprehend that she's *my* age. I still feel 18. I see wisdom and knowledge and maturity in her face. I don't see those things when I look in the mirror.

Perhaps after I have children, I'll feel differently. I keep saying, "When I'm 24, I'll feel like an adult." "When I'm 25, I'll feel like an adult." And now... I can say I'm "almost thirty," and I still don't feel like a "grown-up." What *is* that?!?!

Age is relative though, so I suppose it makes sense. People older than I am... they always say to me, "You're so young!" or "You're still young!" And now I say to them, "Hey! This is the oldest I've ever been!"

Well, it's true. ;-)

So maybe next year around this time... I can say that I'll be becoming a mom soon. And then 30 years from now, my daughter will write something similar in her blog...

6 comments:

::: Dalon ::: said...

beautiful post! thanks for sharing your thoughts - those milestones have come and gone in my life as well (my mom was the same age I am now when she ___!)

I remember vividly when I finally felt like I was a woman and no longer just a girl or gal or young woman - it was during my 29th year of life - and when it finally hit me it was amazingly beautiful - relish it when you get there - I for one will never forget the feeling and I hope you don't either :-)

Sharyn said...

what a beautiful entry - and what wonderful treasures in those photos!

And just to let you know - I'll be 42 soon, and I still feel 18 and not nearly old enough to have a teenager. Time is baffling.

Rita said...

Have a happy birthday tomorrow! Those pics of your mom are priceless!

Bashful said...

Beautiful pictures, and such a touching entry. Please don't get too hung up on that "feeling like a grown-up" thing. Most of time, I still feel 18. And those few days when I don't, I wish I did, LOL. :-)

Heather Landry said...

Girlie, I'm 29, and have three kids, and I STILL don't feel like a grown up. I don't think it's about age at all. I think it's all about how you live your life. I can remember thinking 30 was SO old when I was younger, but now that I'm getting there... it doesn't seem so. LOL

Thanks for the comments on Lexie's videos. The way they do the Levels at her gymnastics is so confusing. Right now she's in gold + which is supposed to be ages 10 and up. She's only 7. She's the tiniest one in there. My girl. She works so hard, and you know what you said about her being strong? She has a 6 pack! I'm not kidding, and when she does handstands... (everywhere) It makes me think of you. The other day I thought it would be cool to get her to start doing them when we go places to start a handstand album. LOL

Kathy said...

Reyanna...I just realised we share the same birthday...July 30th ( except it was my 38th this year...gasp! )
Did we have this "conversation" last year??

Hope you had a fun day!!
Kathy(kathyb on SC)