Healing.

I'm sick. And time away from work gives me time to make things like this... and you know, rest and stuff.

Wanting.

Some people say that wanting things is never good. But this is not like that. We're here for a reason. And I want some things in this life... even if they sound silly. There's a part of me that seems to be forgetting why I'm here and who I am. I'm trying to remember.

I want to make people smile.

I want to make a difference.

I want to contribute.

I want to be helpful.

I want to ride my bike.

I want to rock climb.

I want to swim.

I want to dive.

I want to go to the movies.

I want to go out to dinner once and a while.

I want to go walk around downtown.

I want to go to the driving range.

I want to cuddle Ruby.

I want hugs… daily.

I want to write.

I want to have a computer without internet.

I want to scrap.

I want to be published.

I want to love.

I want to be loved.

I want to feel wanted.

I want to be with friends.

I want to surround myself with lovely people.

I want to be happy.

I want to feel peace.

I want to feel important.

I want to laugh.

I want to be silly.

I want to enjoy life.

Inspiring.

I've always wondered about monthly scrapbooking kit clubs. I never thought I'd like them. I didn't think they'd inspire me. I didn't think I'd be able to put stuff together and make it "my own."

Boy, was I wrong!

I remember a couple years ago... a magazine had a "low down" of monthly kits. I thought, "How on EARTH would I choose *if* I ever decided to get one?!" Then through Caroline, I found Studio Calico. Her layouts were just gorgeous, and that led me to their website. I finally signed up to receive emails, so I could get their monthly eye candy. (Their design team is *beyond* talented.)

I always said, "These are *the* kits to have! Really!" And I decided that if I ever took the plunge and got a kit, I'd choose them. And month after month, I drool over the kits, but I have never once bought one.

Until... this month's kit came out. Oh.My.Gosh. Could.NOT.Help.Myself. This month's kit is BEAUTIFUL! Blue, yellow and green? A vintage flair and a punch of red? Umm... hello!! LOVE it! So... I ordered the kit and one add-on. Received it in the mail YESTERDAY...

And in 24 hours? THREE layouts! That is INSANE for me! I can barely do one in a week! That is how totally inspired I am. I may just buy a kit each month now. I mean, granted I have been missing scrapping SO much (I'm working eight shifts per week between both jobs), but come on... inspired much?!

I've decided to scrap my senior photos (back from 1999), and I'm really stoked about it! I think this kit is perfect for scrapping them too! So the first two layouts I did are for my "Senior Photos Album" I'm working on. Should be fun! :)

Remembering.

I don't think I've ever posted this layout here, but today... my precious niece, London Michele, would have been FOURTEEN years old! :)

So in memory of her, I wanted to post it along with the journaling:

Well, here it is, London. The last photo. Un-cropped, with all of its imperfections. If I would have known these were going to be the last photos taken of you, things would have been different. I would not have used this camera. And I would have taken more than four photos of you that day.

You wouldn’t be sitting on my bed. You wouldn’t have a silly dinosaur up by your head. I would have sat back a little so the photos would be more in focus. If I would have known these were going to be the last photos of you, I would have made sure they were perfect.

I didn’t know we’d lose you just a few weeks later. I wish I would have held you closer. I wish I would have kissed you over and over and over. I wish I would have taken more photos of us together… just me and you, my first niece.

I would have told you I loved you… not ten times a day, but every second I was with you. I would have asked, just for one night, if you could sleep in my room. I would have cuddled you every chance I got. I would have hugged you and never let go.

If I only would have known! But, Baby, I didn’t know. God was the only one who knew.

Yes, I would have done many things differently. But, London, there’s one thing I wouldn’t change, not for all the photos in the world.

I’m still so proud that I got to be the one… the one to take the last photo.

*******
We lost her to SIDS, January 26, 1995. I found the negatives for these photos last year, and I've really been wanting to scrap them and journal. I wrote poems and little stuff like that back in 1995 (I was in 8th grade), but I haven't *really* journaled about her till now. Felt good. Really good. Love scrapping as therapy. :)

Happy Birthday, London! We miss you and love you! :)

Dancing.

I've been coaching gymnastics for eleven years, and I've never been to a gymnastics convention. *sigh* I've been to a couple coaching clinics, but never a convention. And why? Well, either my gyms couldn't afford it, or I couldn't afford it. But by golly, I've always wanted to go!

So when I first started working for Capital Gymnastics, they let me know they wanted me to attend the GAT (Gymnastics Association of Texas) convention. SWEET! I was beyond excited. And 19 hours of pure convention bliss later, I'm happy as a scrapbooker with a box of paper on her doorstep.

I actually ended up helping *teach* a spotting clinic to novice coaches! Yay! I was accidentally placed in this class as a student, so my boss thought since I was there... might as well make myself useful. YES! Eleven years of spotting and getting punched, kicked, elbowed, landed on, stepped on, fallen on, bitten, whacked, peed on, vommited on, loved on, and hugged... a lot... has finally paid off! WOOHOO! So that was super fun. And my "volunteer" gymnasts were *so* cute! Loved them to pieces. (How much am I loving the name Violet? Too cute!)

So I took a few classes on tumbling and vaulting techniques. A class on how to deal with difficult children (tee hee... and this class was PACKED). And my favorite class of the weekend? Musical Warm-ups for Preschoolers.

It's very ironic that this was my favorite class, due to the following reasons:

1. I don't teach preschool.
2. I don't plan on teaching preschool.
3. The only time I do teach preschool is when I'm subbing for a college student who needs to study for a final.
4. And musical warm-ups? Let me tell you... *not* my favorite part about coaching gymnastics to preschoolers.

But the man who taught this class? Hysterical. He's a slightly overweight, middle-aged man, who LOVES to dance. I'm talking... *loves*. And I don't know about you, but when I watch a 48-year-old man doing the "Soulja Boy" and dancing to the Buckwheat Boyz, I laugh so hard I pee my pants.

This was the fullest class I attended, and now I know why! He taught about ten songs (with dances) that he, himself made up. He mixed his own CD of his favorite preschool songs, and he has all his dances typed out on PowerPoint. This man is the KING of preschool musical warm-ups.

The only thing I'm bumming hard about? Not having a video camera. Because long after I left the convention, I was still laughing hysterically at the sight of him dancing to Ice Cream N Cake. The little cheerleaders on YouTube do *not* do that song justice. Just picture that man doing the dance with ten times the energy (and more dance moves). Hilarious.

And don't tell anybody, but when I got home from the convention on Saturday, I played the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song and got up and did the dance he taught us. And I was laughing *so* hard, I was crying. Love it.

After the convention, I was talking with my boss's mother (who is the owner of Capital Gymnastics and the director of GAT and the convention), and she was telling me that she needed to get us new preschool music. Well, *I* told her to work her "Director of GAT magic" and have Randy send us his CD and list of dances.

So guess what *I'll* have next week?! That's right, Baby! The most coveted preschool warm-up music of the century! You're so jealous. I know you are.