You Call This News?! And Some Worm.

My birthday is in 29 days! Woohoo! And on to more pressing matters...

Sometimes when I wake up in America, I think I'm in some kind of cheesy movie. For example, I wake up this morning and the top four headlines are:

"Saddam calls Bush 'Criminal'" (and he calls you a psycho, Saddam! What's it to ya?!)

"Scott Peterson liked sex talk." (Doesn't everybody?! ;-) )

"Eminem's ex-wife is in jail." (Again?!)

"Mom pelts Chuck E. Cheese mascot." (I'm not really interested in reading about a red-neck wedding reception.)

I kid you not! *Those* were the headlines for today. Whatever happened to pressing matters? Like... how's Mary-Kate's therapy going? How much money did Spiderman 2 rake in last night? And when is the date for J-Lo's next divorce?

I don't know, People. News these days is more like lunchroom gossip. Oh well. At least it gives us a nice laugh, right?!

And some more from Worm:

"April 4:

Fishing season started today. We all dug deeper.

Dad(as shovel digs into the ground): Did you guys hear something?

April 10:

It rained all night, and the ground was soaked. We spent the entire day on the sidewalk.

Hopscotch is a very dangerous game."

*emmett* ~ who had some honeydew melon for breakfast... and thought it was very sweet

p.s. Happy birthday today to my late Aunt Patrice and the late Princess Diana. :-)

More of Worm and a Stunning Dress.

Diary of a Worm - Day 2

"March 29:

Today I tried to teach Spider how to dig. First of all his legs got stuck.

Spider: I think I've twisted one of my ankles.

Then he swallowed a bunch of dirt.

Worm: I give up!

Tomorrow he's going to teach me how to walk upside down.

April 1:

Worms cannot walk upside down."

I just love that book. Tee hee.

In other news, I'm looking for bridesmaid dresses for myself and the two other bridesmaids for my sister's wedding.

While searching on eBay, I found this "stunning" dress. Green. Poofy. Hideous. Had the word "stunning" in the item title. Mmmmm... stunning. Not exactly the word I'd use for it. That's got to be one of the ugliest dresses I've ever seen in my life. Even uglier than the bridesmaid dress I had to wear to my aunt's wedding. And that, my friends, was bad! Thank God I have a sister with taste. :)

*emmett* ~ who actually thinks she found the perfect dress... but dear God, it does not look like *that* one :)

2nd One For Today, But I Love Pudding.

I bought some pudding at the grocery store today. I forgot how much I love pudding.

That is all.

*emmett* ~ who loves pudding

Diary of a Worm.

I bought the BEST book today! No seriously, this is way better than that Harry Potter stuff that people seem to enjoy so much. So you want to know what it is? It's called Diary of a Worm by Doreen Cronin.

Seriously... it's hysterical! Sure it's a children's book, but you need to run to the bookstore or library and read it (it's fairly short). And if you're too lazy to do that (I would be... LOL), maybe I'll post a page per day. The stuff that I put in these: [ ] are little talking/thinking bubbles done by the characters of the book. :) So here's today's:

"March 20

Mom says there are three things I should always remember:

1. The earth gives us everything we need.

2. When we dig tunnels, we help take care of the earth. [Must make tunnel -- help earth breathe!]

3. Never bother Daddy when he's eating the newspaper. [CHOMP!]"

That's a pretty cute first page... but it gets better. I know you're holding your breath just waiting for tomorrow. I *know* you can't wait! But good things come to those who wait patiently. :)

*emmett* ~ who loves her new book and actually paid FULL price for it! (She never pays full price for anything... especially books. LOL.)

2nd One For Today, but I Had to Share...

I really want some biscuits. That is all.

*emmett* ~ who really wants some biscuits...

I Don't Think There is Such Thing as an "Easy Job."

Okay, so a few weeks ago, I got a job. I babysit a puppy (Shiba-Inu). I know what you're all saying, "Awww, how cute!" "Wow, what a sweet job!" "Girl, you've got it easy!" Well, I'm just here to tell you... YOU'RE ALL WRONG. LOL. I mean... just think about it. If it was so easy, he wouldn't need to be puppy-sat in the first place.

Okay, this dog is like SUPER hyper. I know all puppies are hyper at first, but this puppy is like Tazmanian-Devil-on-speed hyper! I really can't handle that.

He picks on little Ruby too, which makes me very sad. I'm constantly saying, "Fox! No!" "Fox! Don't do that!" "Fox! Stop!" Maybe he'd act like a good puppy if I used his real name. Yes? Tee hee... okay, his name is Rocky, but I like the name Fox. :) I do call him Rocky though. I just would *like* to call him Fox. ;-)

But... when you're a pet sitter, you don't get to just go around changing the pets' names because you don't like the name that the owner gave. What's that about? I mean... *I'm* the one watching him twelve hours a day, shouldn't I get to call him what I'd like? NOOOOO! Oh well. Rocky's fine... I suppose... ;-)

So yeah, it's not easy, and don't even think I'm being a wimp. I'm not. :)

I suppose the job would be a *bit* easier if I didn't have Ruby and Amber here. He likes to pick on them. But they are my *babies*!! Actually, Amber and Rocky have been playing lately. That's cool. She opens a can of puppy-whoop-ass if he gets too postal on her... especially if he picks on little Ruby... Amber really wails on him then. That's pretty sweet. My puppies are awesome.

So yeah... next time you think that having three puppies in your house (one in constant need of Ritalin) is "so fun": think again. That's all, little monkeys. :)

*emmett* ~ who really does enjoy her job... and gets paid pretty well too...

A Day with the Bliss Family is Pure... Bliss.

I used to babysit for a family with seven children. I met them nine years ago... when there was only five of them (and their youngest was nine months old). Now they range in age from 4 to 15. I got to see them on Friday, and it was super fun. They said some pretty funny things. Here's a conversation we had:

Elizabeth (age 13): Sam, go put on jeans because we're going to the boardwalk, and you can't wear nice clothes!

Sam (age 7): I LIKE these pants, and I'm not changing!

Katairena (age 12): Come on, Sam! Please?

Me: Yeah, Sam, it won't be fun if you're all hot in those clothes.

Sam: I'm not wearing jeans! I didn't even bring jeans!

Barrie-Rose (age 10): Well, just go take those off and put some other ones on!

Elizabeth: Yeah! I'll give you a quarter?

Sam: (puts hands on hips) How about two dollars!

Elizabeth: Okay, how about fifty cents?

Sam: A dollar!

Elizabeth: no way!

Sam: Okay... then you each give me a quarter, and that will make a dollar.

(We all agree, and he goes to change. A little while later, the youngest sibling comes up to us after Sam must have showed her what he'd gotten.)

Collette (age 4): Hey! I'm wearing jeans! Where's *my* dollar?

We all laugh hysterically.

Me: Good one, Collette!

Collette: (puts her hands on her hips) I'm being serious!

We all laugh again. Tee hee. Kids are so sweet. I'll miss them so much when I leave. :-(

*emmett* ~ who loves these kids more than anything :)

The Forgetful Husband.

I've had bronchitis for a week now. Not fun. I told Jeremy he needed to take care of me, so when he got home on Thursday night, it went like this.

Hubby: Hi Honey! How are you feeling?

Me: Still sick.

Hubby: Awww... poor thing. *hug* Can I get you anything?

Me: That would be great! I would love some burritos.

Hubby: Burritos! Yum! I'll be back.

... goes down to kitchen, and I hear some cooking going on...

Five minutes later...

He's back upstairs holding a cheese omelet in his hands.

Me: Is that for you?

Hubby: Yeah! It's a cheese, turkey and tomato omelet! Doesn't it look tasty?

Me: Ummm... yeah, it does. But... ummm... where are my burritos?

Hubby: Burritos? What burritos?

Me: My burritos. Remember? You went downstairs to make them.

Hubby: Oh... you said you'd really love some, but I didn't think you actually wanted some. Or maybe I did. Sorry... I forget. Uhh... do you still want burritos?

Me: Ummm... yeah. I do. Please could you make me some?

Hubby: Well, I don't know how.

Me: Honey, you worked at *Taco Bell* for a year in high school... I think you can manage.

Hubby: Okay! I'll be right back! Love you! (jumps, skips and does a little dance while going downstairs)

Me: Thank you! I love you too! (I shout down the stairs)

... he goes down to the kitchen, and I hear some cooking going on...

Two minutes later...

He's back upstairs holding a plate with two burritos in his hands.

Me: Oh, Honey! Thank you! You're the best!

Hubby: Oh, you're welcome! I LOVE YOU! *kiss*

Yeah, sure my hubby is forgetful... but he still is cute and wonderful. :)

*emmett* ~ who thinks this is a very funny story :)

Christmas in the Backyard!

Living between two families who have children is quite amusing. I mean, how cool is it to wake up every morning and find new stuff in your backyard? I mean, it's like every day is Christmas! So far I've found a glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball that looks like an eyeball, a baby doll, a blanket, a headband, a rubber ducky, a tennis ball... and today? An army man! It's so cool!

The funny thing is... they've only asked for one thing back: the tennis ball. They were throwing it on my roof one day and letting it roll back down to them. I was sick in bed so it was really getting on my nerves hearing this THUD... roll, roll, roll... THUD... roll, roll, roll.

Just as I was about to go downstairs and politely ask them to go play with the damn ball on somebody else's roof, I hear the ball rolling in the distance then I hear them all say, "Oh no!" A minute later... my doorbell rang. HA! I figured the ball went into *my* backyard, and they were asking for it back. No such luck, kiddos! Do you think I'm going to give you your ball back so you can keep me from napping? Pshaw! In your next life! So... I smiled and went to sleep... and got them their ball when I woke up. Awww... the power. :)

*emmett* ~ who yes, gives the children back all their toys once she finds them. Okay, not the eyeball bouncy ball because my hubby REALLY liked that. LOL.

Swim Naked! Dad's Visiting! (but not at the same time!)

Yesterday I saw a personalized license plate that said "SWM NKD"... I'm guessing that to be "Swim Naked," so I laughed. Tee hee.

*sigh* Yeah... that's funny. They must *really* like to swim naked. Well, they like it enough to share it with every car/person that drives/parks/walks behind them. That probably means they like swimming naked. :-)

Anyhoo... today I'm VERY excited because my dad just called to let me know that he's driving here tomorrow! Yay! From Colorado to California... to see me! His daughter! His *favorite* daughter! No, really... I am. :-) I take great pride in that fact. ;-)

He's driving here to bring me my *stuff*. My sister says that I don't need 80% of it. She said it's childhood toys, clothes from the 80s, and a bunch of old school projects. That should be fun to go through. LOL.

He *is* bringing my collector's dolls though, and I'm happy about that. I miss them. :) Jeremy's not looking forward to that. He thinks they look like dead babies. Well, he can just deal. Yes, deal! I bought them before we were married so there! Nothing he can do. :)

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to report. My two anthropology classes are now over, and I have nothing to do. I will miss anthro. *sigh* I love to learn.

*emmett* ~ who just remembered something else she wanted to tell you... but will wait until tomorrow...

Rscheearch at Cmabrgde Uinervtisy.

Okay... so this is my 2nd post for today, but I had to share this. I saw this on a message board I post at...

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrgde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprometnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

This is the coolest thing ever! Sure... yeah... I'm easily amused, but I didn't read that any slower than I normally read. I thought that was just too cool.

*emmett* ~ who hoped you enjoyed her 2nd post of the day :)

Advice From Toddlers and the Joys of Being an Adult.

Have I ever told you that my two-year-old twin nieces (the Twinkies) are geniuses? Well, they are. Sure they've eaten mealworms in the past, but still... they're brilliant!

The other day, I was talking to my sister about whether or not I should have children, and she turns to Alaura (aka Twinkie #1) and asks her, "Should Ani have children?" And Alaura answers, "No... just dogs!"

See what'd I tell ya! Genius! Pure Genius. LOL.

Some days I have a hard time deciding whether or not I *like* being an adult. Then I think back to when I was a child...

I remember that I wanted to wash my hair with Pantene, and I wanted to use Caress body soap. My parents always said no though. They would never buy me Pantene *or* Caress. They said, "When you are an adult, you can buy the expensive soaps, but when you live in this house, you wash your hair with Suave and your body with Safeguard."

So now? Now that I'm an adult? Guess what I have in my shower? YES! Pantene and Caress. Awww... and it's so so nice. Well, actually, now I'm switching *off* Pantene and *on* to Neutrogena because I'm starting to like that better. But guess what? I can do that now! And do you know why? Because I'm an adult.

And that is one reason why I like being an adult. :)

*emmett* ~ who will let you know when she thinks of other reasons... it may take a while though... ;)

Thirsty? Have Some Hydrogen Peroxide!

Did you know that if you have a sore throat, gargling hydrogen peroxide *really* helps? Granted, this is only if you can get past the taste and feeling of having rotten food in the back of your throat and you don't mind that gag reflex kicking in, but if you can get past those, you're on your way to a healthy throat! Not to mention, at least you know your gag reflex *works*!.

But... a little advice for you: Water it down just a tad and put a *small* amount in your mouth at a time. And *if* you just *happen* to swallow a big gulp of it... let me save you a call to poison control...

"It may make you throw up, but this is okay. Drink lots of fluids, and try to relax. It may burn for a few hours, but just remember... *some* doctors are prescribing swallowing hydrogen peroxide for emphysema patients these days so it may actually *help* you even though it feels like it's burning a hole right through your esophagus."

At least this is what poison control told my husband last night when he called after I took a huge gulp of hydrogen peroxide... stupid. Stupid. STUPID! And might a I add... it was an... A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T! Really! Who would drink that crap *willingly*? Not I. Definitely not I.

*emmett* ~ whose mouth now tastes like hydrogen peroxide every time she coughs. eww. Eww. EWW!

Where's A New Motorized Wheelchair When You Need One?

The other day as I was driving home, I saw a homeless man in a motorized wheelchair. It was so old and torn up that he had a black trash bag covering his seat! And all his belongings were in grocery bags on the sides and on his lap. I started to cry.

And it was right then and there that I wished I had a brand new motorized wheelchair in the back of my car. If I had, I would have given it to him without a thought. Instead, I had to keep on driving home. This world makes me sad sometimes.

*emmett* ~ who really didn't have anything *witty* to say, but thought she'd share this. :)

Red with Hawaiian Flowers.

I'm almost positive that I had something witty to say about my puppies, but it has slipped my mind. Oh well.

I went to Target today. Woohoo! I got some conditioner, body wash, carpet cleaner, throat drops and a new alarm clock for Jeremy (my hubby for those of you who don't know). Okay, yeah... telling you that... that was boring. Anywho...

While I was in the Target parking lot, I saw this lady driving a little red car.

Her license plate frame was red with Hawaiian flowers.

Her seat covers? red with Hawaiian flowers.

And her little antenna ornament thingie? I'll give you one guess! ... YEAH! You're right! Red with Hawaiian flowers. (Man, you're good!)

So yeah, after seeing that lady, I came up with two conclusions about her. She likes red, and she likes Hawaiian flowers. That is all. :)

*emmett* ~ who yes, has no life... go ahead, rub it in, whydon'tya! tee hee...